Apparently, actions don’t speak louder than words.
According to a study by researchers at Ohio State University and Brookhaven National Laboratory in NY, young people prefer praise to alcohol, sex, money, eating, or even spending time friends. For college students, self-esteem boosts trump all else.
And it makes sense. As children of this generation are trained to be harder workers, they feel a sense of entitlement – a feeling that they deserve to be praised for their actions. Self-esteem levels have been rising over the past few decades. The study supports the idea that self-esteem, some feeling of self-worth and confidence, is an essential human need.
But there could be a negative side to this. Brad Bushman, a professor of communication and psychology at Ohio State, asserts that “self-esteem — though it feels good for the individual — is harmful to society, especially if it goes over the top and becomes narcissism.”
So, how much self-esteem is a healthy? Of course, it can’t really be quantified. On the whole, it is agreed that self-esteem is generally good. I would just urge everyone to remember that a compliment can really go a long way.
2 comments:
Thanks so much, Jessica, for reminding us that words have power. I totally agree that our society has become too focused on "actions" and assumes that accomplishment must always be intrinsic. Praise definitely goes a long way, even if we might not necessarily think so. As a leader at my church's youth group, sometimes I see kids who are obviously lonely or just simply struggling with life because of their stereotypically "Asian" parents (since school has become a big factor in their lives from birth. I kid, of course ;]), and a word of praise, however small (seriously, however small!) is such a great confidence booster.
Obviously, as Jessica points out, these comments must be made somewhat consciously because too much of anything is a bad thing. In Psychology, there is a term called "positive reinforcement" (which is probably self-explanatory), and it works best when the reinforcement is random. In the same way, I think the best way to boost others' self-esteem is to simply compliment them whenever you feel that it's genuinely warranted. Obviously this means we've still have to think for ourselves, but I'm sure we can do it!
Self-esteem is definitely an important factor when growing up. In regards to Erik Erikson's eight stages of personality development, there is a stage called the Industry vs. Inferiority stage. When children are between the ages 6 and 12, parents should encourage them to try new things on their own and begin using their creative skills in order to instill a feeling of self-esteem in themselves. If children are given an appropriate level of praises in return for their actions, then those children will grow up to be more confident in what they do when they are older - All of the stages essentially correspond to how we are when we are older. As teens in high school, we sometimes forget how good it feels to be praised for our hard work, seeing as how everyone is so competitive in regards to education, appearance, and sometimes employment. We are constantly the target for judgment, whether it is judgment from others or from ourselves. Because of this consistent judgment, we often forget that the standard is ourselves.
In any case, it is not surprising that people want to feel good about themselves; confidence is obviously a good and useful quality to have. Like Jessia said, it's important to remember that compliments do help and can brighten up someone's day. Additionally, refrain from comparing yourselves to others and just focus on making yourself happy. Confidence stems from positive feelings about yourself, after all.
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